martes, junio 16, 2009

Things to inquiry if you ever meet an ET

I've been thinking, yeah, I've been thoroughly thinking on, since I chose Aerial Phenomena to name this blog, shouldn't I write more often on the subject?

And then, an old question ran to my head. What would I ask to a person coming from another planet? So, today, I am going to blog about it.

We have seen all kind of attitudes and reactions whenever a human being has been facing an encounter with an extraterrestrial intelligence, ranging from aggressive to philosophical or even naive.

But the point is: if you ask any person about what makes ships to sail or fly, the most common answer will be: money.

So, wouldn’t it make sense to take this chance on an extraterrestrial intelligence to ask a few things about how do they handle their economy and finances?

Now, take a pencil and a notepad. If you ever act as a human ambassador, you don't need to mumble incoherent things. You better get this list of questions on hand.

First thing first
Sorry to ask, but I assume traveling to the Earth must be a tremendous spending.

Then, what's its use? I really don't care on that, maybe the Earth is a favorite destination for retired couples, or singles in search of cheap sex, but... Who does pay for it? What kind of compensation, as crewmember of an UFO, you get from such a risky, time consuming and skills demanding activity?

Is there something like budgets, forecasts, latest estimates, that you have to answer to? Is your desk plenty of forms to log your timesheets, travel expenses, and a plethora of reports to fill along your endless interplanetary travels?

And coming back to this shiny cool ship you fly in... Is it yours? Does it belong to a private company? A consortium? State-owned? Come on, is it insured? Maybe they lease the entire UFO fleet to specialised companies just to get frequent flyer mileage.

Is there a safety plan in place? Training? A career plan? No, I don’t want your tears over my shoulders. I just need the supporting evidence. Licenses, authorizations, receipts.

Increasingly hard to carry on with a continuous activity? Budgetary stress?

This could explain the famous UFO waves that happen from time to time: Budget cuts! Not to mention the ever shrinking staff (most UFO pilots must now also act as hostesses) and replacement of local workers by automated cheaper cyber crews. They never go on strike!

After all, our old good land must have lost its top priority as a touristic or scientific destination since we replaced our overwhelming natural beauties by concrete parking lots.

This leads to a completely different topic: Planet Marketing, or how to promote investments from alien cultures which may be interested in a stable and profitable growth in one of the last virgin resorts of the galaxy: My backyard!

But, let's keep on the subject.

Now, let’s imagine we stand in front of a just landed ship, and a guy or a bunch of them (and maybe their pets in need of a pee, too) are coming down the ladder.

Maybe this is the very first landing in years, so a proper question may be: Do you have to drop landings in order not to overrun your quarterly budget? Or, do you have to log fictitious flight hours in order to prevent budget cuts in subsequent fiscal years?

What about your social benefits? I have no clue how much such an extraterrestrial entity may last, but sooner or later a retirement plan will be needed. Some countries claim to have a Universal Social Security. But it won’t be universal at all unless we can prove other races and beings enjoy this protection.

No, I don’t want to get messed in politics, mate. But, do you have elections? Are your politicians corrupt, too?

And the most painful questions of all… Do you pay taxes? For instance, do you pay taxes on your personal income? Can you deduct part of your travel expenses? It should be extremely interesting to get answers on innovative ways to deduct taxes.

Some other tax issues may arise related with withholdings and royalties, based on the fact part of the extraterrestrial activity may be considered as manpower in our homeland soil.

Close the interview
It is of the utmost importance to get all this information together, so the casual observer who may be meeting an extraterrestrial intelligence must retain it at any cost until all forms are filled. It won't take long, just some hundreds of questions.

And I mean it!